ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
