I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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