Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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