I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
