I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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