im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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