Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
