so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
