he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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