I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
