I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
