Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
