I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
