Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I skipped work to stalk him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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