A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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