he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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