ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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