no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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