his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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