listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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