U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
