We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
