nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
