If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
