I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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