Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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