Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize