the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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