Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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