Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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