he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
