I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
