did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
