im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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