The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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