I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
