I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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