i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
