no, he came in my armpit
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
