She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
