New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
