Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my shit smells like andre
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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