i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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