My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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