yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
