Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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