She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
