If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
