Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
