Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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