You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
