I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
