nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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