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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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