is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
