sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
