You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
