im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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