the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
