Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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