i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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