so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
